Sometimes, unchecked thoughts can lead us to quite destructive mental avenues. We pollute our minds with self deprecating assessments, analyses that put us into a negative light, a poor self concept. Today was one of those days for me. The sun was out, a cool breeze tickled my skin, the world allowed me to flow unhindered. My morning training was accomplished, my commute to the city to sign for my new investment unencumbered, my belly finally recovered after a week of post gastro troubles. Yet for some reason, the sensation of contentment, the deep down, soulful satisfaction, was just not there.
I found I was assessing every action I took; every road I chose on my commute, every ingredient in my lunch meal, every supermarket purchase, the time to return to the gym etc. with an unnaturally critical shadow. No matter what the decision, the outcome was the same: dissatisfaction.
This isn’t a constant state of mine, not an everyday occurrence, but when it does arise, it is quite difficult to shake. One major reason is that I’m one of those people that generally spends a lot of time in their own company. A high training load means that I’m contemplating a lot for at least 5 hours most days. When not at work, I’m reading, writing, investigating ideas – mostly solo. I have learnt to enjoy my own company but that also means that when my company isn’t ‘in the mood’, I can’t easily escape it – the double edged sword of introverted tendencies.
So, what to do in such a predicament? Today I adopted the practice of gratitude, the art of thanks. How grateful I became upon realising that I was in a funk for no specific reason. Wow, isn’t that just a testament to the great life that I have. I don’t have a terminal sickness, a downfall, a tragedy to feel woeful about. My glum state has no discernable source, such that I am actually searching for one….isn’t that the ultimate reflection of a blessed life? Maybe the need to feel crummy is an annoying remnant of our evolutionary state of high alert, eyes peeled as we keep our environment under watch to prevent the lion hunting us down for his nightly feast. To feel content, to be comfortable is to be vulnerable to attack.
Maybe it’s a hormonal thing, an unexpected flow of chemicals raging through my body, impacting on the serotonin levels inside. Alternatively, it could be environmental in nature, a chemical I have unwittingly ingested, a scent I whiffed, something I touched. Let’s not overlook astrological factors; maybe the position of the moon is interacting with my watery composition, it must have an affect, just look at the tides!
I can’t identify the source, the potentials are limitless. What I can determine is my response. I can revel in the disquiet, the frustration, the frazzled state of questioning myself. Alternatively I can accept the experience, understand that emotions are internal processes, an intertwined symbiosis between chemistry and soul, and let the grim period run it’s course. I think that’s what I’ll do – I’ll let it be, all the while counting my blessings and reminding myself of this beautiful opportunity to experience life.
What do you do to counter the funk? Do you fight the sadness, the state of being unsettled, or do you just let it be?